


Touch

by Karman_love



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Related, Early Stage of Relationship, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, First meet(in flashbacks), Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prequel, kinda slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karman_love/pseuds/Karman_love
Summary: Kartik goes to Aman's apartment early in the morning, with some exciting news, however he finds that Aman is sleeping, has a fever, and discovers some disturbing text messages on Aman's phone.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 143
Kudos: 188





	1. Don't touch me

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write some heavy angst. Keyword:tried.  
> However this chapter just lays down the plot.  
> Hope you like it :)

Kartik couldn't contain his excitement as he knocked on Aman's door. Since the two of them had been planning on moving in together, the fact that Kartik's roommate had just decided to move out, was reason enough for Kartik to show up at Aman's door at seven in the morning to break the news to him. It would be a foregone conclusion that Aman would shift to Kartik's place. Although even Aman lived in a one bedroom apartment, Kartik's apartment was comparatively spacious, and it would be just perfect for them.

Being the extra guy he was, of course he had brought along a bouquet of an assortment of flowers and would extravagantly propose to a probably asleep Aman, to move in with him.

Not unexpectedly, the door wasn't answered, but it wasn't a problem. Kartik and Aman had exchanged spare keys to their apartments a few months back. Kartik searched his pockets for the keys and let out a sigh of victory when his hands touched them. He turned the key into the lock, and much to his surprise, he found Aman in the living room. Aman was kneeling on the floor, with his head resting on the couch, supported by his arms. 

Kartik arrived to the conclusion that Aman was asleep, although his face was away from Kartik's view, since he didn't move at the sound of the door opening, neither had he answered the knocks. 

_Had he been sleeping like this the entire night? Ugh. Iss ladke ka kuch nahi ho sakta._

Kartik smiled, as he stared at his adorable boyfriend. He went up, bouquet in hand, to face Aman. However, instead of a peaceful face that he expected to see, he saw tear tracks on Aman's sleeping face.

_Why? Why would he have cried?_

Kartik himself had dropped Aman home the previous night, he hadn't talked about anything that was probably bothering him. Although he did appear a little uncomfortable at the bar, it was probably because he was in the company of a lot of new people.

Kartik stretched out his hand to caress Aman's face, but-

_What on earth? He has a fever! Nice timing, Aman Tripathi._

As soon as Kartik had taken in his new discovery, he dashed inside, returning with a thermometer.

"Aa kar aa." He spoke to a sleeping Aman, before he carefully pulled open his jaw, placing the thermometer in his mouth.

_Ping!_

_"_ Mmm, a hundred and-"

_Ping!_

_"Three degrees fahrenheit"_

_Ping!_

_Who in hell was texting Aman at this time?_

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kartik reached out to grab Aman's phone, which lay on the far end of the couch.

' _Hey Aman!'_

_'Ankur here..'_

_'You naughty boy made my lip bleed yesterday. But you taste good 😉'_

Kartik was dumbfounded. For a moment, he was unable to process anything. It felt like his heart had stopped beating, his entire world had shattered, in a flash. After a few seconds of nothingness, his thoughts flowed in, racing at the speed of light.

_Aman? What? No. Ankur? That weirdo in the club yesterday? Who'd tagged along with Devika. No. No. My Aman would never. Wait.. That guy. He was sitting next to Aman the whole while. And Aman looked so.. lost. And uncomfortable. What the actual fuck was going on?_

Kartik glanced at Aman once again. His meandering mind, at least temporarily, was now focussed on one thing, Aman. He had to take care of Aman. He had no time for some weird texts from a random guy. _Aman_ was his world, and he would tell him whatever it was, if at all, when he woke up. And so for the time being, Kartik buried the wounds of his freshly bleeding heart, lifted Aman in his arms, and carried him into the bedroom.

* * *

As Kartik placed a freshly dipped wet cloth on Aman's forehead, Aman shifted slightly, mumbling a few words in his delirium.

"Kartik.. Kartik, please"

His voice sounded almost painful.

"Haan, yahi hoon." said Kartik, grasping Aman's hand.

"Mmph, Kartik."

Aman's expression changed, his eyebrows furrowed, a frown formed on his face.

"Hey, no! Get away from me! Saale.."

"Bola na don't touch me!" 

The words came out soft and weak, but loud enough to knock the breath out of Kartik. 

He let go of his grasp on Aman's hand...


	2. The first time I touched you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but here we go!  
> And yes, this has ended up being fluffy, although I didn't start out with a plan like that 🤷♀️

Kartik sat on the little stool in Aman's balcony, a soft, cool breeze blowing. Had it been any other day, with Aman sitting beside him, he would have found the breeze to be comforting and calming, but not today. 

Today, he found the breeze to bite at his skin with a certain aggression, as if trying to turn his confused, aching heart into stone. Certain words uttered by a certain _boyfriend_ floated around in Kartik's mind. 

' _Kartik'_

_ 'Touch'  _

_ 'don't'  _

_ 'Saale'  _

He did not quite remember the order or the context of the words, neither did he know if they were directed at him, and if not at him then at whom. 

But the words had made him flinch away from _touch_ , he didn't know when or how his feet had made their way towards the balcony. The words had taken him aback, the suddenness of their utterance had caused a dull ache in his heart, and the pain that resounded in the voice that had uttered them, had made Kartik sob. A part of his heart urged him to run to Aman, run his fingers through his hair, and soothe his aching body, with love, if it were possible.

However, the other part wanted him to run away, to sit in a corner and curl into a ball, and let the insecurities seep in. 

But it wasn't very difficult to choose. Because a grunt was heard from within the room, and Kartik went with the former.

With closed eyes, Aman's form fidgeted. He was mumbling something. Kartik moved closer, until he could hear him clearly.

"Mm"

"Na-"

"Mummy, Kartik."

"Aman loves Kartik."

"Mujhe Kartik chahiye.." Aman half- whispered, mouth slightly agape, eyebrows furrowed.

Kartik felt as if the strings of his heart were being pulled back and forth. The morning had certainly been a roller coaster of emotions. From entering the house excitedly, to finding Aman asleep with a fever, discovering those messages, the words that Aman had muttered, to Aman professing his love for Kartik in a trance like state.

He did not want to believe it, lest everything be shattered again.

One more glance at Aman, and Kartik's heart tore apart. The sight, the mere sight of his baby laying there in pain, calling for him, was too much for him to bear. He cursed himself for leaving Aman's side for all those minutes, both literally and figuratively.

He cursed himself for feeling insecure, was their love so fragile?

Resuming his position by the bed, Kartik slid Aman's hand into his own, and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead, running the fingers of his free hand through Aman's hair.

He smiled with tear-blotched eyes.

"Kartik loves Aman too."

His eyes wandered to their hands, that fit together so perfectly. Almost two years ago, when he had first touched Aman, he never would have imagined he would so much as see Aman again, but here he was, and he couldn't be any happier. 

* * *

Even in the overcrowded metro compartment, Kartik could sense the man's eyes on him. He looked up to see a small and cute man, hair slightly askew, wearing a blue and white striped shirt that accentuated his beautiful body, a small smile played on his lips, and his eyes were-

Before Kartik could observe his eyes, the man looked down, failing miserably at hiding his blush. Kartik had found it amusing and adorable, but he would have sworn that the blush was _to die for_. 

A few stolen glances, suppressed smiles, pounding hearts, rushes of dopamine, and a rush of people later-

"Oh, sorry bro, mai-

Dikha nahi" blurted Kartik.

Kartik hadn't anticipated the sudden pushes (Yes, he had been travelling in the metro for quite some time now, and yes, the train had just stopped at a station and the rush was very much inevitable, but Kartik was very busy admiring a certain someone to be aware of all this).

So his feet had been forcefully moving in the direction of motion of the swarm of people, and he had frantically groped around, trying to find something to hold on to, and viola! His hand hand landed up in a firm grip around the hand of the cute man- whose own hand clung onto an overhead handle- that same cute man- whom now he knew to be Aman Tripathi.

The touch had left butterflies in Kartik's stomach, and of course a missed heartbeat, when he had looked up (or was it down?) to meet that face, and observed those surprised eyes for the very first time, which had in them an innate innocence, and looked like they belonged to a person who was very loveable. Oxytocin and adrenaline was flooding through Kartik's veins, but what he didn't know, however, was that these bodily reactions were reciprocated. They were reciprocated in earnest, in the body of the other man as well...

"Mmph" A groan brought Kartik back to the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say? One or two chapters later, we'll get to know what the deal really is with Ankur..  
> But please tell me what you think about this. :)


	3. The second touch is just as breathtaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be longer, but well, the more interesting parts(hopefully) are in store for later..  
> I know I've not been updating as regularly.   
> Been a teeny bit busy trying not to get negative marks in mock tests..   
> but here you go!   
> Hope you like it :)  
> I'll try to update every 3-4 days or so

_ What do I see!? Aankhein to theek hai na meri.. _

Aman's heart pounded as he caught a glimpse of the side profile of the man. He turned again, to get a better look, and is if one cue, the other man turned too.

Aman's eyes widened, heart beat shot up, he blinked dramatically a few times. Yes, it was the same man indeed. 

Nicely done hair, tall, well built, a silver ring glistening on his nose, lips adorned with a smile that could kill, and eyes that were so expressive, he could drown in them, and spend his entire life drilling holes into them with his gaze, they looked like they held all the love that was there in the world..

Aman's heart fluttered anew, when the gorgeous man from the train touched him, for the second time!

"Arey! Metro waale bro!" The man had placed his hand on Aman's shoulder, and was beaming. 

If only he knew what it had done to Aman! His stomach tingled, with an indescribable feeling. His entire body spasmed, as oxytocin spurted out of his pituitary. He knew this feeling though. Yes, from a few minutes ago on the train.

Once his breath was steady enough, Aman finally spoke.

"Uh.. Aap yahan kaise?"

"I could ask you the same question." Kartik smiled, raising an eyebrow.

"Aur bro, ye aap aap kya hai? Hum to purane yaar hain. Kya bolta hai?"

Kartik slid an arm around Aman's neck.

Aman's heart flooded with warmth at the ease with which the man befriended him. It did not feel strange, it felt rather endearing instead. Aman huffed out a laugh in response.

The taller man spoke again, "And well, to answer your question, I work in this mall, as a salesman, 

of toothpaste." He bared his teeth.

Aman's eyes shot wide open. He couldn't believe his luck.

_ What even were the chances? How had he not noticed that this perfection of a man had also got off at the same station as him, and come to the very mall where he- _

"Oye! Kya hua? Toothpaste achha nahi lagta kya?"

"Aanh? Nahi, matalb haan. 

Matlab- toothpaste.."

Aman rambled. Kartik could not help but let out a laugh.

"Wo.. mai bhi job dhoondne hi aaya tha yaha, salesman ki.." Aman said coyly, looking down.

* * *

A piercing sensation forced Aman to open his eyes. A needle was making its way into his forearm. His body seared in pain. He shifted his glance from the needle, to a fluid filled tube, to the hand injecting said fluid into his veins. It was an unfamiliar hand, which belonged to, he looked up to see, a man, middle aged, with a few streaks of white in his hair and a mild stubble. He wore a plaid shirt, and well, a stethoscope, around his neck.

_Ohh_.

Aman took in the sight. It took him some time to figure out whether it was morning, or evening, or in the dead of the night. He did, eventually, figure it out, and memories from the previous night came flooding in. It was then that he wondered if he had even come to bed last night, and it was even later that he realised he should do or say something about a stranger being in his room, injecting something into him.

He opened his mouth, but the other man, having finished injecting Aman with the mystery fluid, had now extended his hand forward.

"Hi. Dr. Sharma."

In response to Aman's unblinking gaze, the man spoke again.

"Mr. Singh called me to check up on your fever."

_ Mr Singh? Oh. Kartik? Fever? I have a fever? Hmm. Interesting. _

It was then that Aman reluctantly shook the doctor's hand.

"Mr. Singh, please yaha aayie." Sharma shouted.

Turning to Aman, he said, 

"Kaisa lag raha hai? Koi aur symptoms hai? Sardi, khaasi.."

Meanwhile, Kartik, who was in the kitchen, on the pretext of making tea, had his own little secret investigation going on.

"Devika, what is up with this Ankur!?" 

"Kyaa? Achanak se Ankur ke baare mein kyu poochh raha hai? What is up with him as in?"

"Pehle to who is he? And what's the matter with him?"

"Bola to colleague hai. He overheard our plans yesterday and requested to join in. Mana kaise karti? Oh oh, by the way, kal wo mujhse Aman ka number maang raha tha. Sorry bina poochhe de diya. He said usko koi kaam tha. He called y'all or something ?"

"Devika! Saali.. tujhe to mai baad mein dekhunga. I have to go to Aman. Doctor bula raha hai. Tu mujhe uss Ankur ka number aur address bhej. I'll call you back." said Kartik in a stern voice.

"Aman ko kya hua? Address ka kya karega tu hain!? Hua kya?"

But a beep was all Devika got in response.

Digging his thumb under Aman's chin, the doctor asked,

"Yaha dukhta hai?"

Aman winced.

"Haan.. thoda."

"Arey doctor bro! Kya kar rahe ho? Pehle injection dene ki zid, ab ye. Maarna hai kya usko? Dard zyada hota hai isse."

Apparently Kartik had made an entry, tray in hand.

Sharma plainly stared at him.

"Kartik, unko kaam karne de na apna!" Aman said.

"Agar aap inko pehle hi utha dete to inject karne ki zaroorat nahi padti. Anyhow, take lots of rest. Paani achhe se peena. I've administered an antipyretic, the fever should go down soon. Kal mujhe call karke updates dena."

Kartik looked at Aman questioningly, as if to ask, 

'Ye kya bola?'

Rolling eyes is what he got as an answer from Aman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this was medically inaccurate, idk what doctors do..  
> Anyway, tell me what you think about this  
> The first meet came off a little bit as not tangible to me, but I wrote it anyway  
> I mean, there are so many amazing fics on their first meet out here..  
> Also, this so cannot be categorised as heavy angst  
> I apologise for putting wrong tags 😅  
> I hope you can put up with this mess of a fic :)


	4. How dare you touch him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose the story is picking up its pace now...  
> The angst has begun 😉

Kartik ran his fingers through Aman's hair, ever so gently. It seemed as though Aman was a fragile infant, and Kartik was tending to him with utmost care.

"Bohot dard ho raha hai?" 

"Kartik, bukhaar hi to hua hai. Aise kyu behave kar raha hai?" 

Kartik only smiled in return. 

Aman's eyes were glazed, his lips were tinted darker than usual, his hair was askew, a few stray strands framed his face, he let out soft, warm breaths that Kartik could feel on his skin, due to their proximity. It was too overwhelming a sight. Kartik cupped Aman's face with his right hand, gently rubbing the corner of his lips with his thumb.

To any outsider, it might have appeared that Aman wasn't one who held any special fancy towards cuddles or touches, but only Kartik knew, only he had the right to know, how much Aman craved, both to give and to receive-  touches, _Kartik's_ touches. And he also knew how they made Aman feel. And how could he ever forget, the priceless expression on Aman's face, that he flashed in anticipation of touch, it was etched into his memory like a photograph. 

However, today, as Kartik waited for the expression, his smile drooped, because he couldn't find it on Aman's face. He waited. He searched for it, but it did not- make its way, onto the beautiful face. In fact, as Kartik's free hand caressed Aman's thigh, Aman's face adopted a disturbed expression, as though a sudden memory had triggered too ill of an emotion in Aman. Kartik felt his hand become devoid of warmth asAman's thigh recoiled, closer to his body.

It hurt. It most certainly did hurt. But there was no way in hell that Kartik was going to say it with a straight face. 

"Kya hua? You don't want my touch?" 

Kartik's gaze was fixed onto Aman's eyes, which in turn, wandered all over the place.

"Kartik.. aisa kuch nahi hai." tried Aman, as Kartik stood up.

"I'm worth it, and you know it!"

Aman watched him, and mentally prepared himself for an overly dramatic outburst.

He sat up, the blanket pooling around his lap. It had been more painful than he thought it would be, to stir the movement.

"Mai to good news lekar aaya tha, par tujhe to mai hi nahi chahiye." started Kartik.

"Good news?"

"Ab kahe ka good news, kya fayda tujhe sunake?" Kartik said, shrugging his shoulders, as he paced around the room.

"Kartik!" Aman was already so done.

"Meri koi keemat hi nahi hai tere zindagi mein, to mai kyu batau tujhe?"

"Ab drama mat kar. Bata de."

"Nahi."

"Haan"

"Na"

"Bata"

"Nahi bataunga."

"Batayega"

"Nahi bataunga."

"Batayega.."

"Bataunga hi nahi."

"Arey yaar! Mai nahi khel raha! Mere shareer mein dard ho raha hai.. Mai ja raha hu sone." said Aman, covering his face with the blanket as he lay down.

"Okay. Okay- to phir, mai bhi ja raha hoon."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Ja raha hoon mai!" Kartik exclaimed, louder this time.

"Hmm." came a muffled voice from within the blanket.

' _Abhi mudke wapas aayega_.' thought Aman.

Meanwhile, Kartik was ready for the next stage of his investigation.

* * *

  
"Oh, Hi! Kartik right?" asked a rather surprised Ankur as he opened the door.

"Uh, koi kaam tha kya? Adress.. adress kaise mila?" Ankur continued, somewhat intimidated when all he got was a death glare, in response to his questions.

Kartik stepped in, slamming the door shut behind him.

Ankur Trivedi, seemed like your average call center guy of middle class lineage, and of a decent background. He was of almost the same height as Kartik, had neatly combed hair; and possessed although not very striking, but sharp features. 

"Come, sit na. I'll get something for you."

"Baithna kyu hai? Seedha point pe aate hai na." said Kartik, stepping dangerously close to the already frightened man.

"Ok.. what point? And look, I don't even know you."

Kartik placed his palm on Ankur's chest and pinned him to the wall.

" _What- did- you- do- to- Aman."_

It came out more like a threat than a question.

"Aman? Right. Your friend."

" _My. Boyfriend. Aman_. What did you do to him!?"

Kartik's eyes widened, as his voice gradually ascended from a whisper to a scream.

"What- what do you mean what did I do to him. And he's your boyfriend? Huh. Should've told me that before enforcing himself on me."

Kartik's hands were by now tightly gripping the man's collar. It appeared as though he wouldn't hesitate to murder him then and there, not bothering about the consequences.

"How dare you?"

"How dare you Ankur Trivedi?"

Kartik's chest heaved, the veins of his neck bulged, as he let out the words through gritted teeth and clenched his fists tighter around the collar. 

Ankur now knew that things were getting serious. Kartik had hunted him down to his apartment, knew his full name, and was presently all set to kill him.

"I didn't-"

" _ **How dare you touch him**?"_

"I did not-"

_ A step closer. _

"... do anything." Ankur continued, in a much smaller voice.

_ The sound of a stitch ripping. _

Seems like Ankur did not invest in high quality shirts.

It was good that he didn't though, because it made the intensity of the situation seep in. 

"Look- I'm sorry okay? Let's talk peacefully please.."

Kartik's phone rang. He had no intention of answering it, but- _what if it was Aman? He had left a sick Aman back home._

Still clinging on to the collar with one of his hands, Kartik answered the phone.

"Hello"

"Kartik! Thank God! Tu kaha hai ? Kab se tera phone try kar rahi hu. 

Sun. Mai, Ravi aur Akash Aman ko lekar hospital aaye hain. Jaldi aa ja."

Within a nanosecond, Kartik's face changed, his grip on the collar loosened. What was once fury that burned in his eyes, now changed to fear. 

"Hospital! Kyu? Devika kya hua Aman ko?"

"Dekh zyada tension mat le tu bas aa ja, mai location bhej rahi hu. 

Aur sun. Cab ya auto se aiyyo. Bike mat chalana abhi."

"Devika dara mat. Kya hua hai batayegi mujhe? Aur tum logo ko kaise pata chala?"

"Bola na tension mat le. Tu aa to. 

Hai kaha tu? Raaste mein call kar mai batati hoon sab.

Okay? Bye."

The fury that had temporarily been screened off by worry, now returned in full force.

He turned to face Ankur once again, his hands found their way to their previous position.

"I know, you are responsible for all of this. Dekh. Aniket. 

_Agar_. Agar mere Aman ko kuch hua na, aur agar mujhe pata chala ki tune usse kuch kiya, to chhodunga nahi mai. Yaad rakhna."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is heavily tinged with references from the film, i really hope I have been able to maintain their integrity.  
> I feel like I'm writing random patches, I hope you guys are comfortable with it..  
> There's no steady flow.  
> Do let me know what you think though.  
> Kudos and comments make my day :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought this fic would get so stretched out. But I guess spontaneity and lack of planning is what results into this..

The last ten minutes had been a mess. Kartik had booked, cancelled and rebooked three cabs, waved at seven auto rickshaws, sprinted like a madman across the street eleven times, and he was finally seated in a cab, when the emotions took over him in full force.

He was on the edge of his seat, tears brimmed his eyes. He could not stop fidgeting for even a fraction of a second, and kept urging the driver to drive fast, sometimes even raising his voice to a scary volume. However, the driver did not complain. The pin location had given him some clarity, and he did the best he could for Kartik, while also doing his best to prevent an accident.

Kartik had no clue as to what exactly had happened. But the bile rose in his stomach, as he tried to push it down; just like the guilt that was surging. 

Aman, the love and light of his life. The man who had turned his life upside down in the past two years. Kartik's smiles had never been so genuine, they had never reached his eyes so often, as much as they did in the past two years. He had never felt butterflies in his stomach so intensely that it gnawed at his innards. He had never felt passion that was so passionate. Never before had he felt pure contentment while riding pillion on a bike. No one else had ever made him laugh till his stomach ached, every second day of his life. No one else had giggled away to glory with him, while sitting in a movie theatre amongst a swarm full of people who were all trying to focus on a serious scene. No one else had stayed up all night to watch over him, when he had nightmares after watching 'The Conjuring'. No one else had shooed away lizards from the bathroom for him. No one else's hugs felt so reassuring. No one else's touch felt so warm, so much like home. No one's lips, when they curved into a smile, did those things to him that this man's did. And hell. No one else's eyes looked like they held the entire world, the solar system, and seven galaxies in them. 

It was all Aman. It was as if it had been him all his life, only he had met him now.

It was _this_ Aman, that this was all about. This godsend of a man, that was now in the hospital, for reasons Kartik did not know. This very Aman, that he had left back at home a few hours ago, after some bickering, only to ride to a far end of the city in order to hunt down a man who was so not worth it. For an instant, his guilt was washed off, as a wave of rage came crashing down on the shore of Kartik's erratic heart.

He clenched his fists, gritted his teeth. His eyes burnt like red hot chips of coal. The pricking tears finally rolled down. 

He knew, this _Aryan_ guy was responsible for all of it. 

Everything had been perfect, until last night. What had gone so wrong, in such a short span of time? He. _He_ was the one who had urged Aman to come to the bar. He was the one who had agreed to Devika bringing two new people. He was the one who had let Aman sit on the seat across from him, next to _Avinash_.

Aman had not been particularly cheerful the whole while. In the end he had got up, excusing himself to the washroom and Kartik had seen him leave. He had intended to go after him. He knew Aman wanted some alone time but some duolone time (Kartik praises himself for the invention of this word and expects the audience to praise him as well) would have come to Aman as a welcome surprise. However, that resolve had died when he had seen _Nakul_ walk towards the men's room.

Fuck.

It was _Anshul_ after all, wasn't it? 

What had he done to Aman? 

Thought after thought flowed into Kartik's mind, until they came to a stop along with the screeching halt of the car.

Kartik looked up to see an endless, haphazard line of vehicles. 

No! This could not be happening! His stomach sank anew at the sight. What could possibly cause a traffic jam at this point of the day?

"Lagta hai aage jatra ja rahi hai." the driver said.

"Jatra my ass" huffed Kartik, punching a fist into his palm.

"Aman hospital mein hai bro." he said, before burying his face in the same palm.

_Devika_.

_ I had to call her. _

"Yaar hua kya hai Aman ko please bata. Aur tu- kaise - matlab- wo , 

Sab chhod, is he okay? Hua kya!? Aur usne tujhe kuch bola? Wo gussa to nahi tha? Devika please tell me he's okay." Kartik pleaded between choked sobs and sharp breaths.

"Abey saale saans to le le. Bola na tension mat le. Aisa kuch nahi hua hai usse. Abhi doctor dekh rahe hain. Tu bas aa ja. Wo bula raha tha tujhe."

The guilt returns, but it is accompanied by concern, a tide of concern.

"Achha listen, tune Aman ke phone pe messages dekhe right?"

"Kya messages?" 

"You know it Kartik. Ankur."

Kartik let out an audible breath.

"Listen. Aman told me something. 

And why do I have a feeling ki tu Ankur ke ghar gaya tha?"

"What did he tell you?"

"Pehle mere sawaal ka jawab de."

"Tujhe... kaise pata?"

"Kartik, ab mera bhi man kar raha hai uska gala ghontne ka. Tu mujhse uska number aur adress mangta hai. Phir tera phone nahi lag raha. Iska kya matlab hua? I understand yaar par saale aise bimaar aadmi ko chhodke koi 15 kilometre door jaata hai? Hain!?"

"Gala ghontne ka matlab? Kyu? Aur Aman ne tujhe kya bola?"

"Sun. Tu aaja pehle. Phir batati hoon sab. Aur jaldi aa. Bye."

"Ruk ruk ruk ruk." Kartik half-screamed.

"Aise suspense mat faila bro. Aman ko kya hua ? Hospital- kyu?" Kartik pleaded.

"Mujhe bhi nahi pata. Usne mujhe call kiya tere baare mein poochhne ke liye kyuki tera call nahi lag raha tha. He saw those messages on his phone and they had already been read. Phir usne mujhe ek kahani batayi jo mai tujhe baad mein bataungi. Ten minutes later I call him to tell him ki tera call nahi laga. He was half wailing. Bola ki wo phisal ke gir gaya. Ab tune already kuch to doctor doctor bol rakha tha subah. Mujhe laga pata nahi kya ho gaya. To mai aur Ravi uske ghar gaye. Aman ne darwaza khola and he was dizzy. Phir wo behosh ho gaya. Tera number tab bhi nahi lag raha tha. To humne Akaash ko apni gaadi lane boli aur usse leke aaye. 

Abhi doctor dekh rahe hain usse. Ab aur sawaal mat kariyo tu."

But Kartik was rendered speechless. 

Instead of saying anything to Devika, he spoke to the driver instead.

"Uncle bro. Side se nikaal lo yaar. Please, kuch bhi karo, yahan se nikalo ."

Kartik bit his fingers nervously. He was ready to pounce out the door the moment the car stopped. All he wanted was to see Aman, with his own two eyes. The unsettling feeling never left his gut. His restlessness would come to an end only once he was at the hospital and in front of his Aman. 

He shook his leg vigorously each time the car slowed down. One of his hands was already on the handle, he would jump off the moving car if it were feasible, but he figured it was not a good idea to get himself admitted in the same hospital alongside Aman. One hospitalised man was distress enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be about the club night. But, I compromised on that to write out Kartik's thoughts during the ride.   
> I'd say the next chapter would be about Ankur, but I can't promise anything when my erratic brain is in question.  
> I've messed up the latter part of the chapter so badly, I'm immensely grateful to all of you for bearing with me.  
> Also, I'm internally yelling at myself for taking Aman to the hospital. I, don't know how to write hospital details.  
> Do let me know what you think ..


	6. The night of the bad touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ankur. Periodt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically what was supposed to be an angsty chapter that I tried to make humorous. Also, this is a birthday gift for Polo, and has so many inside references that most of y'all won't get I'm evil I know 🙃

"Aman! Abhi Devika ka phone aaya tha. Wo kisi Angoor aur tabele ko bhi saath laa rahi hai." Kartik announced excitedly.

Aman furrowed his eyebrows. Creases appeared on his face in haphazard directions, as a visual evidence of his confusion.

"Hain!? Angoor tabela? Ghode ke astabal kyu jaa rahe hai hum? Aur astabal mein angoor bhi milte hain. Waah!"

Kartik brought his hand up to rub his temples.

"Arey astabal nahi jaa rahe bar mein hi ja rahe hain. Ye logo ke naam hain. Ab Devika ne jo mujhe bataya wahi mai tujhe bata raha hoon na bro."

Taking off his black super hero cape, Aman said,

"Yaar ye kya hai. Mujhe nahi milna kisi angoor tabele se. Tu ja."

Kartik lifted Aman's chin with his finger as he smiled lightly.

"You look so cute when you're irritated."

Kartik came closer, with a gleam in his eyes. His arm moved of its own accord and snaked its way around Aman's waist. His gaze had never once shifted from the beautiful creases on Aman's temples, and now they moved to his eyes, he stared at them for a few seconds, all the while a smile playing on his lips. He could drown in those honey pools, look into them all day, they were beautiful, mysterious, intriguing, and inviting. The annoyed eyes seemed to hold in them a certain longing, which, although was not intended to be expressed, had been read by Kartik. He laughed internally at Aman's nuances. He never articulated what he wanted, but his eyes gave it all away. 

Kartik's hand now caressed the nape of Aman's neck. For dramatics' sake, he began to slowly close the gap and-

He felt a hard push against his chest.

"Koshish bhi mat karna!" Aman's furrowed eyebrows had deepened so much now that his eyes were hardly visible.

Well, apparently Kartik had read his eyes wrong.

Kartik instantly flashed a puppy face at the annoyed man.

Aman looked up at the grey ceiling of the parking lot.

"Ye kaam nahi karne wala mujhpe." Aman said in as convincing a voice as he could.

"Achha okay. Nahi jaayenge. Tere ghar chalte hain."

"Nahi! Ab kyu? Chalte hai na! Tabele mein hi chalte hai. Lage haath ghode mein astabal bhi dekh lenge!"

All of a sudden his voice dropped to a soft mutter.

"Ek minute... astabal.. ghode .. ghode mein astabal, astabal mein ghoda... tabele mein..

Arey yaar! Jo bhi hai. Chal na! Tujhe itni utsukta ho rahi thi na, ab kya hua?"

Kartik slowly retreated upon listening to Aman's outburst.

"Okay.." Kartik said, raising his hands up in surrender.

* * *

  
"This is my college friend Kartik and his boyfriend Aman" said Devika, gesturing towards said men, one of whom smiled with the raw excitement of a child when he was pointed to, and the other was trying hard to pretend as if he actually knew what was going on in the congregation.

It was Ravi who spoke now.

"Aur ye dono Tabatha aur Ankur hain."

Aman's eyes involuntarily travelled towards Kartik's, and Kartik could see him fuming, as if shouting with his eyes, 'Tabela aur Angoor!?'

"Akash ne last minute plan cancel kar diya.

Achha by the way, ye dono foreign exchange program se aaye hai. 

They are fromB. A. A. P."

Only heavens know what it took for Kartik not to laugh hysterically.

"Baap?" He looked at Devika.

"Baap nahi saale B.A.A.P. It stands for 'Boons And Arms of Poliandrè'

It's their company, based in Poliandrè, Wingzhoom ka capital. I'm sure you guys know where it is."

Kartik's mouth had dropped open. This time, for a change, Aman's face reflected Kartik's expression.

"Devika bro. Tu intro de rahi hai ya geography padha rahi hai?"

"Mar ja kutte."

Thirty minutes into the conversation, said Angoor had his arm across Aman's shoulder and was laughing loudly after a comment made by Devika that Aman hadn't really paid attention to. He squeezed his arm rather hard for Aman's liking, and Aman tried to brush him off with an awkward smile. 

Why did Karik not notice any of it, you ask? He would have, had he not been so busy carefully weeding out the tomatoes from his salad.

A few more minutes later, Aman felt something touch his thigh. No. He felt like something _had been touching_ his thigh. 

No. Groping would be a better word for it. He couldn't make sense out of it. 

It seemed like a hand, that was slowly making its way inward.

_Ankur, was it? It definitely did not seem like a casual touch. How long had the hand been there_?

Not knowing what do, Aman abruptly stood up. 

"Mai do minute mein aaya."

Kartik looked at him questioningly, to which Aman showed him his little finger.

Their gazes were fixed onto each other for a few seconds, they exchanged a look. Aman knew what this meant. Kartik would meet him inside in some time. 

Even he had had enough keeping up the annoyed facade. He would melt into Kartik's hug now, and also tell him about the creep.

There was a knock on the stall door. Aman's face lit up. He opened the door and was absolutely ready to melt into a warm embrace but-

_ It was Ankur. _

_ It was freaking Ankur. _

Aman had never experienced his heart sinking like that, with that much speed and weight, and he didn't know why his heart thumped as if it would pounce out of his chest, when he saw the man. 

"Hi. I was just wondering if something was wrong. Why'd you get up so abruptly like that?"

_ Yeah. Something is wrong my ass.  _

The man had moved dangerously close to Aman's body and one of his hands was on Aman's waist for a fleeting second. How Aman had wanted to cut it off, bite it with his weapons of mass destruction. He tried to retreat, but heck yes the wall had to come in his way. Before Aman could process anything, a pair of lips were being thrashed onto his.

_There was a push, a slap, a punch, and a bleeding lip_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, you have Ankur guys. Now do whatever you feel like, to him.


	7. A rainy night,and a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update, I'll try to be more regular, but I can't believe the love that this fic is getting. It's overwhelming, really. There are already over 800 hits and 95 kudos. Thank you to everyone who bears with this mess. Hope you like this chapter :)

' _You naughty boy made my lip bleed yesterday. But you taste good.'_

The words flashed before Kartik's eyes for the umpteenth time.

His hand had never left the handle, he was still ready to pounce out of the door the minute the car stopped. But a certain exhaustion had taken over his body.

_ 'Wo behosh ho gaya'  _ He repeated Devika's words in his mind.

How had he messed up so badly? He should have been with Aman. He should have been by his side, he should've held his hand, should've taken care of him.

God, how wild must Aman's thoughts have run, when he must have seen those messages. No, how could he ever doubt Kartik's trust in him. He wouldn't have let any ill thoughts fester in his mind. But why would he not? Kartik did indeed feel insecure, for a few moments, and how he hated himself for that! 

As much as Kartik wanted to stab Ankur with a knife, he knew, he was responsible for a part of this. How did he not sense that something was wrong? Why did he not coax things out of Aman the previous night itself? Why did he not choose to stay over at Aman's? This morning, why did he leave Aman alone, knowing he was sick? Things would never have gotten so out of hand.

His eyes that were fixated on the window, chanced upon a sight that triggered a rather sweet memory. 

' _Scoops and smiles_ '

That night was etched in his memory forever. 

An ola cab, parked at that very place, Kartik and Aman hastily making their way from the shop's entrance to the cab, in an attempt to minimise the contact of the slow but sudden downpour of raindrops with their skin.

It was the first time that Kartik had taken Aman somewhere, to hangout, other than the kitanu-fighting rink in the mall.

"Dosa achha laga?" Kartik had asked.

"Anh? Haan.. haan... dosa. Achha tha." blabbered Aman.

Kartik flashed an amused look at Aman. 

As soon as they were a few feet away from the food stall, Kartik turned to face Aman.

"Bro.."

"Bada hi wahiyat dosa tha yaar." Aman whispered. 

They both broke out into a giggling mess.

Who would have said, at a cursory glance, that they had known each other for only a month? 

They spent almost all their time together at the mall, which gave them the space for whole hearted conversations. What started with casual discussions about their likes and dislikes, soon turned into banter, and full fledged arguments about whether cats were annoying or cute. I think we all know which side of the argument would be whose. 

They had become the best of friends, with maybe room for something more. Kartik was the kind of person who would shamelessly flirt, but he could not bring himself to do that with Aman. 

Aman was special and was deserving of much more. He deserved grand gestures, a romantic proposal, and all the love in the world. 

The man, at times, took Kartik's breath away, made his heart stop dead in its tracks, palpitate unevenly, flutter and then ease down. He would be rendered speechless whenever Aman came close, the words dying in his throat. 

The glint in his eyes whenever they were up to some mischief, the adorable annoyance in them at Kartik's antics, his smiles, his boisterous laugh, his gasps of exasperation, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his subtle irritated expression when their boss nagged him, the innocence in his eyes, he had come to love everything. He knew, his feelings were reciprocated by the other man. He knew it on the first day itself, on the train, and he was ever grateful that they had crossed paths again, otherwise...

He didn't want to think about it. His spirits had never been on such a high. In that moment, he was sure, he would love to spend the rest of his life with this man.

"I'm sorry yaar. I'll get you ice cream to make up for it!" Kartik tugged at his arm.

"Scoops and smiles." Aman read carefully, with a grave expression, as if mentally calculating the credibility of the ice cream in a shop with such a name.

"Scoops and smiles." Kartik repeated, with a goofy smile adorning his face.

The ice cream must have been tasty, for they walked out happy. 

Aman shuddered as a wave of cold air hit his body. The sky, seemingly, had grown darker and graver. 

A few cold drops had touched his skin, when he felt a strong arm pull him under the shelter of what seemed like the shade of abandoned tea stall. The space was small. They stood huddled together, but none of them had anything to complain about.

"Ye baarish ko bhi abhi shuru hona tha." Aman muttered. 

"Wait. I'll book an Ola. Raste mein tujhe drop karke mai chala jaunga."

"Five minutes." Announced Kartik. 

Aman nodded, looking up at Kartik for a fraction of a second, or for what he intended to be a fraction of a second. For once he looked, into those inviting eyes, he couldn't take his gaze away. It was cold. He craved some warmth. So he pressed himself closer to the body of the taller man, and the warmth radiating from Kartik soon engulfed him, as Kartik wrapped an arm around his waist. They would have stared into each other's eyes forever, had their moment not been broken by a honk.

"Oh. Humari hi cab hai." Kartik said, looking back and forth between his phone and the numberplate of the car.

They sprinted, with intertwined arms, heads ducked, bodies huddled close, until they were inside the safe warmth of the car. It was a short sprint, but it had made their hair slightly damp. Much to Aman's relief, Kartik snuggled close to him.

The roof of the car was lined with blue L.E.D. lights, which looked borderline shady.

Aman looked out the window, gazing at the city lights through the raindrop splattered glass, and Kartik, in turn, gazed at Aman. He looked breathtakingly beautiful. There was a sheen of water on his face, the blue lights reflecting off of it, made him look surreal. A wet strand of hair lazily touched the shining silver in his right ear. Sensing the gaze, Aman turned to look at Kartik, but Kartik did not retract his gaze. He looked on, with adoration in his eyes, and a soft smile on his lips. He gently tucked a strand of Aman's tousled hair behind his ear. Aman looked even more beautiful upfront. His lips parted slightly as he returned the gaze, and Kartik could have sworn, he couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

Hell, no one had ever looked at Aman like that, as if his eyes held the world in them. It was _overwhelming_ , and it has been his undoing. His eyes were moist. His hand reached up to the nape of Kartik's neck, as he slowly caressed it. Kartik's hand found its way on the small of Aman's back. Aman flashed a small smile. It was worth a million dollars, Kartik would tell you.

Aman brought their foreheads to touch, as one of his hands ruffled the hair on the back of Kartik's head, and the other lay on his waist. 

It was just the two of them, in that moment, and the space between them, which slowly closed. Their noses touched, their lips brushed for a brief moment. It was electrifying. Aman could feel oxytocin rushing through his veins. It was as if he was on top of the world. Kartik cupped a side of Aman's face, as he pressed his lips onto Aman's. They lingered there for a few seconds, before Aman tilted his face slightly, allowing the kiss to deepen, allowing oxytocin levels to soar. Both of their eyes were closed. Kartik crazed Aman's jawline with his thumb. Neither of them had the heart to pull away. They had been cut off from the world for those few stolen moments. If there had been any onlookers, if there had been any honks from the vehicles around, if there had been occasional stolen glances from the creeped out driver, they hadn't seen or heard anything. They were too busy drinking from what seemed like the elixir of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very nervous about this chapter, please tell me what you think. Also, I hope the patchy writing is not confusing. With my irregular updates I think it's very easy to forget or miss out on the story line. But I have some good old angst planned for the next chapter so be ready!


	8. Let me revel in your touch, this one last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't give you guys any spoilers by saying sorry 🙃

"Aman. Aman Tripathi. Which room?" Kartik managed to huff out.

"Let me check Sir." The receptionist replied.

"Aman Tripathi. Admitted at 11:20. Fourth floor, wing A-2."

"Thank you." Kartik let out before sprinting to the elevator.

The wretched elevator wouldn't arrive. No. This wouldn't work. Kartik looked about until his eyes found the stairway, and he made a hasty dash.

_ Fourth floor, wing A-2.  _

He was barely able to keep count of the number of floors he climbed, amidst everything else that was going on in his head. Nevertheless, he stopped when he thought he had reached the fourth floor.

He saw two women walking in his direction. One of them seemed to be giving some instructions to the other. His blurry mind took a moment before it came to the conclusion that the instructor was a doctor, the other, a nurse.

As they came closer, he chanced upon a few of their words.

"The patient from A-2. We lost him mid surgery."

The volume faded as they moved farther and he heard something along the lines of

"We have to break it to his family."

_ The patient from A-2. _

_Aman Tripathi. Admitted at 11:40. Fourth floor. Wing **A-2**_ **.**

Kartik stopped dead in his tracks. 

Was this the end, then, of everything? 

No. It couldn't be. 

There has to be some mistake. 

The receptionist, the doctor, his interpretation. It wasn't right. His Aman was okay. He would be so happy to see Kartik!

There was definitely some misunderstanding. Maybe he was on the wrong floor? He heard the wing number wrong? 

He lifted his head to see A-2 imprinted on the wall, beside the opening to a corridor.

He would just go there and see, that Aman was not in there! 

So he did go up. The passage led to a typical hospital door with a circular glass pane.

He walked until he was close enough to see through it.

He had barely even registered, the dreadfully familiar face, when he couldn't help but look away. His heart stopped. It was if someone had forcefully evacuated all the air out of his lungs, _they burned_. His stomach churned. For he saw, Aman's face, facing sideward, his eyes closed; he was tucked under the sheets, with only his arms and face exposed. Kartik had not been able to let his vision linger long enough to notice all the details. There might have been something attached to his hands, some plastic bags filled with some liquid might have been hanging on stands. All those typical hospital things, they might've been there. Kartik wasn't sure. He couldn't be. Because he wouldn't look back in. He couldn't bring himself to.

All he felt was sheer shock; 

and pain;

a lot of pain.

He felt his legs give way. A few seconds later he was on the floor, head cradled between his knees. 

_"No, no, no, no, no."_ He whispered, slowly, articulating each word clearly, stressing over his syllables.

His mind was fuzzy.

It must've taken at least fifteen minutes, to sort out the order of events, and yet, he could not come to accept it. 

His phone buzzed.

He could not move.

His body was frozen, just how his mind was, just how his heart was.

He sat still, his mind blank, body stiff, for what seemed like hours, before some fuzzy thoughts could begin to flow again.

Had Devika lied to him then? A surgery? He remembered Aman's face from the last time he had seen it. A few hours ago. 

Or should he say a few minutes? But was that his Aman anymore? Or just his face? 

His lifeless face?

'Ja raha hoon mai' he had said. He'd left Aman alone, without turning to look even once. Had he stayed, would things have been different? 

That was the last time he saw Aman. It would be the last time that he would ever see Aman. He would have to live with that memory, forever. 

_Live_? How would he live? Was this life anymore?

Everything that had happened since last night, seemed so futile now. What of the bar, what of Ankur? How did any of it matter?

He brought his hands to move and whipped out his phone from his pocket. Ignoring all the other notifications, he opened his chat with Aman to see seven unread messages.

(9:14)Hey

(9:15)Where are you?

(9:23)Mujhe laga tu wapas aa jayega

(9:31) Kartik phone utha

(9:35)Achha chal mai hi sorry bol deta hoon

(9:36)Itna drama mat kar

(9:41) Kartikkkkk

He discarded the phone on the floor, and pressed a hand firmly to his mouth, partly to suppress a scream, partly to prevent the rising bile from spilling out.

_ Five days.  _

Five days ago, Kartik was complaining to Aman about how they hadn't hung out in a really long time. Aman had listened to Kartik's whines patiently, and they had drafted out a plan in detail.

They would go to watch a movie, buy caramel flavoured popcorn (there had been a heated argument in that regard but Kartik eventually had his way). They would even visit 'Scoops and Smiles' and later kiss in an Ola for nostalgia sake. How Aman had fussed about the last bit but had ultimately given in.

The memory triggered a hundred other memories to flash by the window of Kartik's mind, at the speed of light.

Aman had entered his life like his Prince charming in a fairytale. 

Aman was his respite, from every inch of negativity that the world had to offer. They had built their own tiny, warm, cozy happy world. Kartik did not know a world outside of it anymore.

There were so many unfulfilled promises, dreams, plans, that they both had made,

together.

How could you do this Aman Tripathi? Who will go on road trips with me? Who'll fulfil the promise of spending your entire life with me? Whose family will I possibly find a new family in? 

No. This wasn't true. It had to be wrong.

_ Kartik wanted to scream. He wanted to scream till his lungs ripped apart.  _

But he couldn't bring his larynx to emanate a single note, a single gasp.

He wanted to cry, but his eyes betrayed him. He was stunned into stillness.

His body, along with all his organs, tissues, blood vessels, seemed to have frozen.

There was a rock sized lump in his throat. His hands and feet were cold, fingers numb. His mind had frozen again.

He felt someone nudge him; or rather hold and shake him. Surprisingly, his eyes were able to register the face. It was Devika's face. 

He wished to speak. He wished to accuse Devika, of lying to him. He tried to.

"Kartik, kya hua?" came Devika's voice.

Kartik parted his lips slightly, but words, he could not generate. He looked like a child that was beaten into silence.

A wave of nausea overcame him, forcing him to stand on his two feet, and run even, to where he thought he saw the restroom sign.

He missed Devika's words, "Aman is looking for you."

Devika ran after him. Kartik was inside a locked stall, vomiting his gut out.

Devika knocked on the door in futility, throwing dozens of questions at Kartik, that he himself didn't know the answers to.

  
  


_ Hold me in you arms, one last time, will you? _

_ Let me revel in your touch, this one last day. _

_ I want to breathe in your scent. _

_ Give me a taste of your chaste lips, _

_ Send a kiss my way,  _

_ the kind that leaves me gasping for breath. _

_ If only, I could cry in your arms _

_ Till my lips were enforced to sport a smile. _

_ All I wished for, was to spend my life with you _

_ I want to wake up in your arms, everyday. _

_ Please, let me stare into your eyes, this one last time _

_ I promise, i'll look into them with as much love as I can. _

_ I long so much, to feel, once again, the brush of your skin against mine. _

_ Whisper warm words into my ears,  _

_ Or hurl abuses at me, if you will. _

_ But I beg of you, don't let this be the end. _

_ Don't leave me like this, I'd die without you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this made you cry, please let me know, so that I can derive my sadistic pleasure from it.  
> Just kidding, just kidding.  
> All I can say is I'm sorry. And that the happy ending is coming.  
> I don't know why I suddenly thought of this weird plot twist.  
> I don't even know what I'm doing with this fic anymore  
> The best word to describe it would be 'khichdi'  
> But well, only 1-2 more chapters to go, and thank you to everyone who's reading this, it's getting more appreciation than it deserves 🥺🥺🥺


	9. In your arms, I feel safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is late. I hope you've not forgotten this fic 😅  
> Hope this chapter makes amends, somewhat.

Kartik sat in the dingy bathroom stall, after having regorged the entirety of the previous day's meals. His body felt weightier than ever. He couldn't, and wouldn't, bring himself to stand up. Until five minutes ago, Devika had been knocking on the door, and shouting questions at him, from what he could make out.

He was almost in a trance like state.

A pair of eyes, no, _brown honey pools,_ floated before Kartik's eyes. They looked into his, with unebbing love and adoration.

Suddenly, a realisation struck. 

_He would never see them again_. He would never have them look at him as if he meant the world to the owner of the pair. He would never see them being rolled, in response to his stupid antics. He would never see them burn with fire, whenever anyone but their owner, had derogatory words in store for him. 

The shock and pain, was too much, for his mind to handle alone, and it inevitably showed a physical manifestation.

A sudden rage flamed within Kartik, at nobody, or nothing in particular. He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. His long nails dug into his palms. These would leave behind marks, and to some extent, even blood . 

**_He_**. _He could have prevented everything._  
Why did he have to leave Aman alone anyway in the first place?  
He had always considered himself to be a good boyfriend. Patient, loving, caring, smart, and over the top when it came to performing grand gestures. 

But he wasn't patient enough. Maybe he wasn't caring enough. He didn't love as much as he should have. He wasn't, _good enough_.

The rage mellowed, as Kartik gradually seeped into self pity. 

He wanted, no, _needed_ Aman to hold him, shake him, and wake him up from this horrible, terrible, wretched nightmare, caress his face, and then lull him to sleep.

But unfortunately, it wasn't a nightmare after all, he guessed.

His eyes burned, he was aching to cry, the tears would probably release the pent up pain somewhat. But god, were his eyes hell bent to do otherwise!

He felt his chest tighten. All of a sudden, he couldn't breathe. 

Dying might have felt better, yes, he thought to himself.

* * *

"Aman. Kartik.."

"Kartik kya?" said Aman, sitting up, having slipped into consciousness not many minutes ago. The tone that Devika's voice had taken was cause enough for worry.

Devika walked closer to Aman's bed before speaking any further.

"Kartik's here, but I don't know, something's wrong with him. I've never seen him like this. And right now, he was in the bathroom puking."

"Devika kya bol rahi hai!?" 

Any remnant dizziness had now left Aman completely.

In the corner of the room, the nurse's interest seemed to have been piqued by the conversation that she overheard.

"Are you talking about the man in the red jacket with neon shoes?"

Devika nodded.

The woman's features seemed to change, ragged creases appearing on her smooth forehead.

"Ma'am, I think.."

"What do you think?"

"How is he related to you?" The nurse directed the question at Aman.

"He's my boyfriend. Now please tell us."

"Dr. Jadhav and I were talking about the patient in the next room. He had just passed away. And your boyfriend was in the same corridor at the time. I think, he, might've.."she trailed off.

Aman's eyes widened in disbelief. He made to get off the bed, but had almost forgotten the saline drip that was injected into his wrist.

"Please get this out." His voice, directed at the nurse, trembled with urgency.

"Aman, I'll, I'll get him." Devika spoke.

"Really Devika?" Tears spilled out of Aman's eyes.

"Wo aadmi do din mujhe nahi dekhta to aasu bahata hai. He thinks I fucking _died_. You think you'll get him?" His tone was harsh. But it wasn't rebuking or accusatory. It came from a place of fear and concern. Both he and Devika understood that.

Devika sighed in agreement.

The nurse obliged.

* * *

Kartik's struggle to breathe was real. He didn't seem to be able to draw in enough air to satiate his lungs. A dull ache reverberated through his chest, constantly. He had to get out of there, maybe it would be easier to breathe then.

Using the walls for support, he tried to get up. One of his knees was giving out. His feet felt numb. But he did get up, nevertheless. He dragged his feet, against their will.

A few seconds later he was stood in front of the wash basin, still gasping for air. He stared into the white porcelain sink.

'Can I wash away this dream?' he thought.

That was precisely when he heard a voice.

"Kartik."

A voice calling out his name. He recognised the voice.

Was it- no, how could it be? It was certainly his mind playing tricks on him.

He had been seeing Aman's eyes, face, hands, for the past thirty minutes, why leave behind his voice. He would have to come to accept the truth, sooner or later.

His Aman was- 

_**No**_.

A voice inside him screamed, _cried_ , shouted at the top of its lungs.

_Lungs_? Another voice inside him laughed in mockery.

_Lungs_. It seemed he didn't have any of those anymore.

A sharp pain arose within his ribcage.

How was he still alive, standing on his two feet? The lack of air should have caused his organs to die, slowly, one by one.

He looked up into the mirror in front of him.

A beautiful, sad, peaceful, angelic face caught his attention.

Did he know the face? Of course yes. 

But it wasn't just a face, or just a pair of eyes this time. It was a person, in full length, staring right at him through his reflection in the mirror.

Kartik was sure by now, that he was hallucinating. How he wished it were true, that it were really his Aman.

But he couldn't let himself hope. How was it logically even possible, after everything that had happened in the past- he doesn't know how long.

If he hoped, and then his hopes were shattered, like a broken dream, it would pain like a million broken glass pieces grazing against his skin, inch by inch.

But the face spoke again, and this time, Kartik could not shackle his hope, it rose, like the first flight of a bird.

"Kartik." Tears streamed down the blissful face of the beautiful man- _Aman_ , Kartik reminded himself. It was, _his_ Aman. It sounded all too real, all too familiar, for it to be just a figment of his imagination.

Aman came closer. He wrapped a hand around Kartik's balled fist. It was a feather light, gentle touch. His free arm snaked its way around Kartik's waist, his head resting on Kartik's back.

The touch was very real, indeed. 

Kartik visibly relaxed, at the touch. His tightly balled fists, slowly opened up.

His knees were too tired. He had been forcing them to hold up his legs, for too long now. They gave out. He was willing to give up the fight now. He had Aman. He had his Aman. A heavy weight of responsibility seemed to have been lifted off his chest. It allowed his air passageways to open up a little.

His body almost fell limp against Aman. And Aman, with the little strength he had, for although it might not have been much, it was enough, to support his Kartik.

He turned Kartik around to face him, and they finally looked into each other's eyes, after what had seemed like ages.

A thousand words travelled to and fro, between their eyes, in those few seconds.

Many questions were asked, they were answered as well, the most important of them being Kartik's disbelief about the substantiality of the situation. Aman assured him, promised him, with one glance, that it was all real, he was real.

Kartik then cupped Aman's face with his two hands.

Aman spoke again, breaking the long silence.

"Kartik. Kuch bhi soch lega kya tu, saale! Wo kisi aur ke baare mein baat kar rahe the. Mujhse peechha itni aasani se nahi chhootne wala bhaisahab."

His voice cracked, he was barely able to complete his sentence, trying his best to feign a rebuking tone. Because really, it broke his heart to see Kartik like this.

But even so, it was far better than the worst case scenario. For starters, his Kartik was alive, conscious, and standing on his two feet, albeit with some support from Aman.

But those words were it for Kartik. He didn't know how much he needed to hear them.

He latched onto Aman, holding on to him as if his life depended on it. Hot tears finally cascaded down Kartik's face, releasing every last bit of gut wrenching pain that was left bottled up within him. Hell, he would never let Aman go again.

Aman returned the embrace with as much aggression.

Kartik's tears soon escalated into sobs, sobs that made his breath hitch, leaving him, once again, gasping for breath. Even between those ragged, uneven breaths and sobs, Kartik chose to try and speak.

"Am..an"

"I-"

Well, he obviously failed.

"Kartik! Shhhh" Aman rubbed slow circles onto his back.

Just those two words, worked wonders on Kartik. They served as a pacifying tonic.

Kartik let his head fall on Aman's shoulder.

His breath fanning against Aman's neck, told Aman that his breaths were steadying more and more by the minute. He heaved a sigh of relief.

Having figured out the antidote, Aman continued to rub Kartik's back, while whispering an occasional 'shhh' into his ear.

They must have stood like that for some eleven minutes, when Devika, accompanied by Ravi and Akash, walked in. They had been subjected to the narration of quite a story by Devika, on their return from the short trip to the cafeteria.

Seeing Kartik and Aman in each other's arms, made the three of them breathe a sigh of relief. Aman blinked at Devika reassuringly. It was all she had needed.

She sensed that their moment was too intimate to be intruded. They had best be allowed their space. Yes, a hospital washroom was probably not the best place to share a moment, but the situation could not be helped. Aman was the only person Kartik needed right now. She gestured at Ravi and Akash to follow her outside.

Kartik was breathing normally by now. However, his tears had wet Aman's shoulder, and Aman's own, had left remnants on Kartik's shirt.

Kartik was tired. His mind and body, both felt the effect of all the accumulated exhaustion, in full force, but he needn't worry. He was in Aman's arms now, and he knew them to be strong- much stronger than the world thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're making our way into our happy ending. Do tell me what you think 🥺


	10. A touch is all I need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure about this, but okay.

Kartik had his face buried in the crook of Aman's neck, his arms were wrapped around Aman's waist tightly, and he had no intention of letting go anytime soon.

God forbid he let go and Aman would dissolve into thin air, just like a dream...

No! It wasn't a dream, the nightmare had come to an end in fact. He could feel the brush of skin against his, a feeling he knew too well. He could breathe in his scent, he could _breathe_ \- hell, he hadn't even realised that he didn't have to struggle to breathe any longer. He could feel a hand rubbing circles on his back, another caressing his nape. It seemed to help, yes. He could feel his body relaxing. One by one, his tense sinews eased, his quivering lips slowly steadied. Each caress seemed to calm him down bit by bit. 

He was in safe arms, he was in Aman's arms. He couldn't help but let out a smile at that thought. 

He felt grateful for the freely flowing tears. Had it not been for this sweet angel of a man who was holding him right now, he wouldn't have been able to shed them. He had been so overwhelmed with shock, fear, guilt- all of it and more! An ocean full of emotions had broken onto his shore, and he didn't know how to keep them at bay, but now, with Aman's help, everything seemed to melt away. It found an outlet, he didn't have to do much. 

A life without Aman- which he, even in those few minutes, had not allowed himself to imagine- would be, _blank_. There would be an irreplaceable void. 

The mere thought sent a shiver down his spine. There was no Kartik without Aman. Their lives had got interwoven with each other. 

The relief Kartik was feeling was immeasurable. If he could, he would just stand there snuggled into Aman for the rest of his life.

It had been long, since they'd been standing there like that. Aman tried to waddle their entwined bodies towards the entrance, but Kartik wouldn't budge.

"No." He let out in a small voice.

He snuggled deeper into the pit of Aman's shoulder, clutched at his shirt, pulling him into an almost suffocating embrace.

Unknowingly, Aman had let his hold on Kartik slacken.

"No, please no."

Every piece of Aman's heart that was left intact, now broke - utterly and completely. 

He had never known Kartik's voice to sound so feeble, so full of fear. 

Hot tears gushed down his already wet face.

"Okay. No. We'll stay here, for as long as you want."

He planted a soft kiss just below Kartik's ear. He didn't know what to do, to fix both their broken hearts. He felt helpless.

The best he could do was to comply to Kartik's wish. If he wanted to stand like that for another hour, then so be it.

Maybe Kartik's pain was much more than he could fathom? What would he have felt if he had thought Kartik to be dead? 

_**No**_ , he would have died the very second.

A half whimper - half sob left Aman's mouth involuntarily.

"Kya hua?" asked Kartik. That's when something struck him. He tried his best to declutter his head, put the events in place. Aman was sick. They were at the hospital. And Aman was standing here with him. God, he was holding Aman hostage, and he was sick.

Kartik pulled back, only to cup Aman's face with his hands.

He saw Aman, for pretty much the first time, albeit through tear blotched eyes. His cheeks were flushed, eyes reddened, glistening with wetness.

"Aman." Kartik's tear filled eyes now radiated concern. It blew Aman's mind, to see that Kartik was capable of expressing concern, while being so broken himself, with everything that had happened-

"Aman kya hua?"

"Shut up Kartik! Shut up! How are you like this? Pagal hai tu, pagal! Tujhe koi idea hai meri kitni phatt rahi thi? Bina bataye achanak gayab ho gaya. Aur ab ye. Kyu karta hai? Apne aap ko dard dene mein bada maza aata hai? Kisne kaha tha tujhe draamebazi dikhake bhaag jaane ko?"

Kartik was rendered speechless. Usually, he would have a comeback ready, but not today. 

He leaned in until there foreheads touched, and whispered, the exhaustion evident in his voice.

"Aman I love you, so damn much. I love you with all I have, and more. I'm, sorry I- fuck."

" _Kartik shut up!"_

_Why on earth was Kartik saying sorry_? It infuriated Aman. 

He should be the only one apologising here! For Kartik having seen those messages, for everything that had ensued. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it close again. He leaned his head on Kartik's chest, and the taller man engulfed him in a warm embrace.

"Aman, you remember the good news I was talking about?"

"Hmm."

"My roommate left. Ab hum dono saath reh sakte hain."

"Waise bhi kaunsa har raat ko hum achhe bachho ki tarah apne apne ghar jaaya karte the?" came a muffled voice from near Kartik's chest.

* * *

  
The night didn't really go as smoothly as they had planned. Kartik was awoken at 3 a.m. by a hand slammed across his shoulder. He opened his eyes and his grogginess was washed away immediately by concern.

Aman writhed about, there were beads of sweat on his creased forehead. His hands now clutched at the sheets, his toes curled, his face reflected nothing but discomfort. He was mumbling incoherent words. 

Kartik almost instantaneously extended his hand out to touch Aman's forehead. The fever could have returned. But no, it didn't seem like he had a fever. Aman's feet rubbed against the sheets so forcefully that Kartik thought the friction might make his skin peel. He couldn't bear to see his love in such discomfort.

He ran his fingers through Aman's hair.

"Aman, baby, what happened?" 

He tried to slide his fingers through Aman's hand which was then clutching the sheets. It was a herculean task, but Kartik succeeded at last, and Aman now clutched tightly onto Kartik's hand.

A few groans of pain left Aman's mouth. Kartik couldn't stand it any longer. It had been a tough day for both of them. Understandably, Aman must be having a nightmare. He gently patted Aman's cheek.

"Aman uth." 

Whoever, or whatever ill it was that was haunting Aman, Kartik was going to stop it.

He would always protect Aman. It was his full time job, now that they were to live together, or so he took it. How he had smiled at the thought, of waking up next to Aman every single day, for the rest of his life, but the first night itself, wasn't going as smoothly as he would've wanted it to. 

"Hey" 

He increased both the intensity and frequency of the pats until Aman finally opened his eyes, gasping for breath, looking around frantically. His eyes wandered all around, and even in the dim light he could make out it was Kartik's room- wait- it would be _their_ room now. His eyes locked with Kartik's. He was safe. Kartik was safe. No one was dying. Kartik was holding his hand. He took in a sharp breath through his mouth. His heart was racing. A pair of soft lips landed on his forehead and hemomentarily closed his eyes, relief rushing in. 

Aman looked at Kartik. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what to.

Kartik placed his hand over both their intertwined hands and rubbed Aman's knuckles.

"Sapna dekha? It's okay."

His soft voice made warmth flood through Aman's heart.

They both lay on their sides, facing each other. Aman inched closer to touch their foreheads together. He was shivering slightly, maybe out of shock. An arm snaked it's way across his back. It made him feel better, it calmed his shaking form.

"It's okay Aman. Shush."

He looked at the man in front of him. How did he ever get so lucky? A whole man, and not only any man, but Kartik Singh lay before him, and not many hours ago, said man had promised to spend each day of his life with him.

_Every waking hour and every sleeping, the very same_ ; he had said, he wanted to spend with Aman. 

Aman smiled a soft smile, as he looked into Kartik's eyes. They were the most beautiful, soft, precious pairs of eyes Aman had ever looked into. Those eyes, were the very definition of home to Aman, and the way they were looking at him now- with love, concern, adoration- it made his heart overflow with affection. 

He cupped a side of Kartik's face, and closed the gap. Two chaste lips met, along with two chaste souls. All of their fears, insecurities, pain, melted away. All that mattered in that moment was them. 

Aman could see the starry sky through the window, from the corner of his eyes.

Why would he care for stars? He had his _stars, planets, galaxies, and universe_ , everything put into one, right in front of him, just a touch away.

"Aman, you're okay right?"

Aman only snuggled into Kartik in response to the question, letting out a huff of air on his neck.  
  


  
_Just hold me, and I'll be fine._

_ A touch is all I need, _

_ To erase every last bit of fear, pain, ache. _

_ I know you will, just like you always do. _

_ And I promise, I'll do it too. _

_ I'll be there to catch you when you fall, _

_ Soothe you when you're aching, _

_ Hold you when you cry, _

_ Touch you, even if there are eyes all around  
ready to pry. _

_ Just look into my eyes my love, _

_ you're my world, and I'd die without you- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, does this count as a satisfactory end?  
> Initially the plan was for it to be a lot of fluff, but I guess this fic has just turned out in a way that made me write it like this.  
> Thank you to all of you who's been reading it and leaving behind oh-so-sweet comments.  
> Any suggestions are welcome :)  
> And the end... I'm so unsure about it.  
> Please tell me what you think.  
> Also I have some ideas for fluffy one shots 🙃

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on instagram   
> @shubhmangalzyadasavdhan


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